My Confession
If you’re not familiar, my style is weird, layered, subtext.
This is a poem I wrote after my eyes finally softened into focus, and all my armor fell, and I did, too. The deep angst of sudden humility stripped me until all that was left was Love, the kind that hurts so beautiful to heal blind ugly.
My Confession:
I really f*cked up. And yet, I couldn’t have done otherwise.
Shall we dance in the trance?
I started off on the wrong foot,
the wrong premise,
the wrong method of madness.
Lost sight of my magic,
the only thing that made me exceptional,
irresistibly wonderful,
stunningly indescribable.
I traded it for the lie:
The lie of Eve.
Helping when I wasn’t born to “help.”
But to dangle a leg from my skirt.
To shimmer and glisten in the sun.
To be the divine scent of roses.
The singsong of a bird.
Kaleidoscopic radiance of the sun setting down.
To be the teasing dance of clothes on and off skin.
The warmth of holding, and caress flesh to flesh.
The wetness of tongue, softness of lips.
The invitation of bliss,
Through the portal of bosom into thee,
unknown,
Where God dances, seduces and winks.
Alluring you to enter the mystery that cannot be known without experience.
I long for my lover,
To show him what I know now.
What I learned in the desert,
When I made that parched vow.
I had to go alone to retrieve Mayim Hayim,
the elixir of life,
But I did.
And I’m here now.
If you’ve retrieved yours, come for me.
If you too made the desert vow, run with me.
Over the hills of separation, to merge as one,
Making bliss-f*ck-love both bedrock and pinnacle.
Where our dark and light explode, and God is born.
I know now what I couldn’t have then.
I am Other. Perfect Other.
Everything and Nothing.
Innocence, sin.
Complete.
Empty.
Full.
I AM.
The Truth Is:
The full spectrum of Heaven and Hell live in me.
I am everything you hoped and everything you hated.
Yet this is my confidence:
I am consecrated to Love.
P.S. I want to help now.
Not to keep you as before,
Selfishly sedating my attachment fears,
But to tend and keep the walled garden,
Paradise.
For everywhere my river goes, life abundant flows.
